So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
