You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
