if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
