my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
