we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
