Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
