remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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