I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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