note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
