I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
