You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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