Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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