My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
