I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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