i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
