well you can't waste a boner
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
