we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The power of my boobs compel you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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