For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
