none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
