you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
