If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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