She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
