If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
