My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
