So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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