I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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