When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
