Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
