Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
