he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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