I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
