I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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