it hurts more in the daytime
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
