It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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