My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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