I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
