I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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