Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
