god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
