i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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