ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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