Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize