I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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