She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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