I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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