I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
