I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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