You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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