I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
