I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We had to coat check the pizza.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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