I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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