I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
