ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
