i was born a porn star she said
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
