Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
