woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
