I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
