note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
