I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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