Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
