Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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