dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
